Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Well, Knights of the Old Republic arrived last Thursday. I couldn't play it that night since I had to run Iron Kingdoms (first game since Jeff left and I'm running the same adventure I ran at the Retreat, first time I'd seen Lorie since Sunday breakfast too). Friday night I ended up going to a Guild event in Dark Age of Camelot (an RvR event I hadn't planned on going to since I don't seem to do too well at PvP so I don't do it much). I did play most of Saturday and Sunday. Got off the first planet, became a Jedi and went to (of course) Tatooine.

Well, the black mood is still popping in and out. It doesn't seem as pervasive as it would have been before but it won't go away entirely. I'm feeling pretty isolated lately. And all my friends being busy isn't helping. And not really having someone to talk to about this seems to only allow it to perpetuate. <sigh> Got to get used to alone again I guess. If I don't fit into my skin then I won't have any fun and no one will want to hang with me since I'll be a drag. (whoa, lots of 80s terms in there!)

Planning continues for the trip to GenCon. I was going to sleep in the Fantasy Flight rooms and ride with Jeff, same as I had the last time I went (three years ago now). Two weeks ago I finally pulled my head out (I may have said that here before) and looked at what's planned and I realize Jeff isn't going. I ask him if I need to talk to Greg directly but email is never a good (re: quick) way to contact him. I finally remember to ask him in person and the answer is yes. Greg tells me that the FFG rooms are booked up with new staff and volunteers (I guess we - Biohazard - we're part of the "in" crowd but not far enough in). I arrange floor space with Aaron (nice since they - my Columbia gamer crowd - had this planned since January and have rooms at the Weston) and think I'm riding with Brian (none of you blog gang probably know him but he's a long time gamer buddy of Jay's) but that turns out bust because he's not coming back til Monday (and extra night in the hotel). So it looks like I drive myself, but Aaron wants to leave at 8ish, which is way too early for me these days (9 would do I think).

And I always feel this way before a trip. I dread leaving but then once I get there I usually have fun (trips these days are "home" to Phoenix to see my family or to game conventions). Without Jeff there I have no idea what I'll do with myself but we'll see. I didn't sign up for any games but I'm working Thursday for WizKids. Probably do a shift for FFG too. Wander the distributor's floor for a day. That leaves half a day for games. Not too bad. Evenings are never a problem but then Milwaukee had lots of beer. I think we'll have to retire "Evil Jim" though.


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